Stories from Russia

One must bring a full load of patience when visiting this fine city. The ease of getting through the airport has been long forgotten after these recent episodes.

• Train Tickets: We had to book our train tickets before leaving Chicago, as your entire itinerary needs approval before you are granted a visa. They were booked online and we received instructions on where to pick them up in Moscow. In fact, here are some of the key details: MPP "Megapolis",Bolshaya Molchanovka 30/7, Metro Station "Smolenskaya" -Directions: The building is on Noviy Arbat close to center "Metelitsa", between Impexbank and restaurant "Pekinskaya Utka". Seems fairly routine. Here is where it gets good:
  

1. Once you leave the heart of Moscow (Kremlin), nothing has an English translation, everything is in Cyrillic -basiclly you can't read.
2. When trying to map the address it won't show up and if you ask locals about the addresses, they'll say "we don't really have addresses'
   
3. After 3 laps on Noviy Arbat (a long street) much was learned
• locals don't speak a lick of English (which is fair, I don't know many in the States who can rattle off Russian),
• there are about 50 banks on the Noviy Arbat, none of them look remotely close to Impexbank
• this might be the ugliest street in Moscow
• looking for this mystery train station, was a lousy way to kill 2 hours in a beautiful city
• my phone can't dial Russian numbers
• if at first, you don't succeed - try again

After getting back to the hotel, calling the train they agreed to meet at 9am the next
morning. When asking for directions (in English) they STILL could not give an address.
Keep in mind, they worked there. This conversation made it "somewhat clear" that it
was not on the main street, but near the main street. Perfect. The next morning after
combing sidestreets of the Noviy Arbat, the destination was discovered. This was a good
driver and wedge away from the main street and was nowhere near a bank or Chinese
restaurant. In fact, seemed to be in a building with only 2 windows (open with bars on
them) and no way to enter the building. Now we are walking by, jumping up in the window
sill trying to catch attention (in English). We must have looked like a couple of lunatics.
No response. Finally a local spoke English and suggested ringing a call button (directions
in cyrillic) of a large steel door (think solitary confinement) about 50 feet from the
windows. It worked. Hopefully it is the right train...

• "KGB Man" - so we are walking back from dinner Wednesday night and we've just had our daily encounter with the man selling fur hats (typical response - nyet, nyet). As we are walking into Red Square we are admiring the lights (see photos) when suddenly someone whispers something in Russian quite sternly in my right ear. K was on my left. Looking to my right is a Russian Guard, who is about 6 inches from my face. We surmised that he whispered, "excuse me" - but he literally came out of thin air. After he rattled off some Russian, pointing to my camera, we answered with two blank stares. He rebutted - "your passport please!". There wasn't a smile to be found anywhere near this conversation. After thumbing through my passport (checking my visa and departure cards), he rattles off several questions in a fierce tone: 1) "do you speak Russian"? - if we weren't so shocked from the sneak attack, we'd have both been laughing our butts off 2) "where are you staying?" - we answer 3) "when are you leaving"? - as quickly as we can comrade!.... Turns out it was just a little check up to show who is in charge. (Note: the picture above was taken moments after the encounter - the color had just come back to my face, but notice the look of terror from me.
  

• Bureacracy - you follow the rules when visiting this town. No deviations. We managed to get a quick visit to see Lenin's Mausoleum in one morning. There wasn't really a line, but as we approached the exhibit from the south end of Red Square we realized that the guards (approx 20 of them, for a guy who has been dead for 80+ years) have set up fencing so you must approach from the north side. This wouldn't be a big deal unless you are in heels (K was, as it is strongly suggested that women where heels in Russia to "fit in with local women"). Red Square has cobblestones. Guard #1 enjoyed pointing towards the north end of Red Square rather then "cutting through the fence" (again no one was in line). So we walk the 500 meters to the north end. Guard #2 gives us our first Russian guard smile just as he motions to us that we have to walk all the way around the State History museum to enter the gate. K points to her shoes. Guard #2 shrugs and motions. We understand - we'll be circling the building to come to the same spot. There are rules and those rules will be followed! Now we've covered a good 1/2 mile of extra ground, when we could have been through the exhibit already. We walk around and get to the front of the exhibit. Security check. No cameras or cell phones allowed in the Mausoleum. Thanks for the signage. We now have to walk back another 500m back to check our phones and camera. Guard #1 & Guard #2 must really get a kick out of this, along with their other 18 comrades as it happens every single day.